After my mom and I got home from a meeting with the wedding planner from House Plantation yesterday, we told my dad that we’ve decided to use their caterer. My dad immediately said, “I would like some input on the menu!”
“Dad, I already know that you want fajitas.”
“Well, fajitas would be nice, but I’m holding off judgment until I see what they have to offer. If there’s pizza, I’d go for pizza.”
David: Yes I am, and it’s going to one giant poker game. But really if you win the game you go to hell, and I’ll try really hard to win but then I won’t because I stink, and then I’ll go to heaven!
Me: …
David: What? You don’t believe me? Why not?
Me: Because the Bible doesn’t say anything about that.
David: It doesn’t say anything about purgatory being a giant poker game?
Me: No.
David: Huh. I think we just interpret it differently.
On Saturday David and I went to Austin to see my good friend and former roommate, Carmen, compete in the O. Henry World Championship Pun Competition. It’s always quite an experience, one which I have actually come to enjoy. I love visiting Austin, seeing Carmen and her family, and the pun competition can be pretty dang funny.
Although David wasn’t completely convinced he would like it, I did catch him making a pun at one point. There was some reverb from the microphones, and someone in the crowd sarcastically yelled, “Can we get some more feedback?” Then David whispers under his breath, “Feedbag.” I made him repeat it to me, and he admitted that he was trying to pun off the word “feedback.” Too bad the pun didn’t have to do with anything…but I thought it was really cute.
Anyway, I would like to proudly say that my friend Carmen won first place in the event “Punniest of Show.” This is where the contestants perform a prepared monologue under two minutes long. I’m so proud! For your enjoyment:
I’m at school today for the last session of a review course I’m taking for the NCLEX. The room we’re in has two doors, and after a break I went to enter the second door, but it was locked from the outside. As I was standing there waiting for a friend to open it for me from inside, a girl I don’t know walked up behind me. She paused for a moment and then said to me in her most helpful tone, “Here’s the handle,” and she reached to open the door. She found it locked just as I had, and then understanding swept over her face.
Internet, if I hope to pass the NCLEX, I certainly hope that by this point in my life I know that a) turning a handle is what opens a door, and b) how to recognize a handle when I see one.
The pinning ceremony is a nursing tradition. Nurses wear pins (usually on their name badge at work) to identify what school they graduated from. These pins were presented to us at the ceremony last night and we were able to choose someone to pin us. I chose David, as my husband-to-be.
But before all of that happened, my parents, David, and I all arrived waaaay early because we didn’t know how the traffic would be. So we decided to get some picture-taking out of the way:
And for some reason I find this very amusing: my mom trying to take a picture of David and me without realizing that the camera was set to record. Obviously I don’t have much patience for this, but David just laughs.
Soon enough my brothers arrived. At this point we were also sharing the table with another family, a family much quieter than ours. As we were waiting for our food, we had the following conversation.
***
Dad: So Uncle David is getting another Ridgeback. They got a good deal on it because it doesn’t have the show-quality ridge. They’re naming it Rigby.
Dad (even more shocked): Kat! It’s a song by The Beatles!
Brothers (in unison): AHHHH LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE
Me: I have never heard of it. [This is true. I listened to it later.]
Dad: I can’t believe this.
Me: Listen, I am not a Beatles fan. I don’t dislike them, I will listen to them, but there are so many other things that I would rather hear.
***
My future mother-in-law will be devastated when she reads this, but there it is. My confession.
Continuing with the evening, we waited quite a long time for our food. In fact, David and I were finished with the whole pinning ordeal before we even took a bite. Ah, what the heck, here’s a little video of me being pinned.
So by the time we got to eat we were all ravenous. We promptly cleaned our plates, and my brother Barry asked for seconds, which I don’t think was part of the deal. After he got his request, though, we discovered that we could all just go help ourselves to seconds, even though no one else was doing so. One woman that we were sitting with offered Barry her roll, but he politely declined. A minute or two later, this happened.
***
Dad (to stranger woman): My wife would like your roll.
Mom: Chris! (She hides her face in her hands.) I am SO embarrassed. You were not supposed to say that!
Dad: What? You wanted it!
Stranger woman: I did offer.
***
I like how my family is the noisy one that eats all the food along with other people’s. I think we have more fun.
This was the big drama that unfolded in the office last week. So classic. These are actual, real-life e-mails that I will reproduce for you here, although the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
~~~
From: Jennifer K.
To: All
Subject: SMELL IN LADIES RESTROOM ON FIFTH FLOOR.
For the past week, I have noticed a STRONG odor in our ladies room - it reminds me of Lysol disinfectant. It is so strong, that it makes me nauseous while in the restroom. I called the office downstairs (that takes care of our building), and they said that they do not use Lysol, and nothing new or different has been used to clean our restroom.
My big question is: is anyone using their own personal Lysol - or something similar - to spray our restroom?? If you are, then PLEASE don’t spray anymore of “it” in our restroom. I am not the only one who detests this new smell. Several other ladies have voiced a complaint about the new, Lysol-like smell.
Jennifer
~~~
From: Lauren A.
To: All
Subject: Lysol?
Who took the Lysol out of the bathroom?
Lauren
~~~
From: Lisa S.
To: Lauren A.
Subject: RE: Lysol?
Jennifer has it but don’t tell her I told you. She sent an email yesterday about the odor and how its bad for Mandy and the baby. Just FYI.
Lisa
~~~
From: Lauren A.
To: Lisa S.
Subject: RE: Lysol?
The Lysol was not in there yesterday. I bought it from Walgreens this morning and placed it in there. I would really appreciate her returning it to me or the bathroom.
P.S. Thanks for letting me know.
Lauren A.
~~~
From: Lisa S.
To: Lauren A.
Subject: RE: Lysol?
I know it wasn’t in there yesterday. She sent the email asking that no one Please don’t spray it anymore due to the smell. She is trying to put this off on Mandy and Mandy feels bad about it. Please take this up with Caroline [office manager], cause I don’t want to get accused of starting something. I just wanted to let you know where it was. ok….
Lisa S.
~~~
From: Jennifer K.
To: Lauren A.
Subject: RE: Lysol?
I have confiscated the Lysol from our Ladies Room. The fumes from cleaners like this are toxic to breathe, and I have been worried about Mandy who is pregnant breathing these fumes, which could harm her unborn child. This is no laughing matter! The strong fumes have been making me and several other ladies nauseous, including Mandy. Whoever owns this large can of Lysol is welcome to come get it from my office, and I will ask PLEASE to limit the use of this toxic-smelling chemical, and PLEASE don’t use it in our Ladies Room in the future.
Jennifer
~~~
From: Lauren A.
To: Jennifer K.
Subject: RE: Lysol?
We have gone through 3 pregnancies over the past 1/5 years, not including Mandy, and it’s never been a problem. The unsanitary part of it is when someone takes a poop and you have to smell the bad odor, or they leave feces & blood residue on the toilet seats. I think getting a bacteria infection from unsanitary conditions is far more fatal than using a sanitizer. Not only that, but the flu has been spreading around the office as well.I appreciate where you are coming from, but what you have been smelling over the past couple of days was the perfume that was left on the counter, which has been thrown out.
The Lysol was purchased by me this morning. I, as well as many other in the office, am not interested in smelling stinky poop or dealing with unsanitary conditions and will continue to use a sanitizer when needed, unless Caroline states otherwise.
No hard feelings, but I think it was wrong for you to simply remove the Lysol when so many others rely on using it.
When I lived with my parents, there was a church that we would frequently drive by which had a sign out front and its contents were constantly changing. My brothers and I loved it because the sayings were always something funny, witty, or weird. The signs were so creative that my brother David and his friend decided to start naming their songs after it. That’s how they ended up with a song called, “Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Words Form Sentences.”
I was extremely pleased to discover that my new apartment complex (which I have lived in for a few months now) is situated right next to a church with a sign out front which changes weekly. The sayings aren’t quite as funny as the last church–in fact they’re sometimes plain cheesy–but it works for me. So I have diligently recorded the last two months of sayings for you, just in case you ever need something to fill up the space on your own church sign:
“‘In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity’ –Albert Einstein”
“A liar needs a good memory.”
“It’s not your aptitude but your attitude that determines your altitude.”
“Truth is heavy, so few men can carry it!”
“Only those who are willing to fail greatly can ever succeed greatly.”
“Smooth seas do not make a skilled sailor.”
“Average people don’t want others to go beyond average.”
“A man wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package.”
