I’m sitting here at a computer in the hallway of my unit, Methodist Main 8 Northwest, finishing up my shift. I’ve had a sore throat since Sunday, swollen and tender glands since Monday, and a hacking, persistent cough since yesterday. It gets worse throughout the day, and by 8 p.m. I’m passed out in bed. I’ve had to be very careful to stay sterile here at work, although I don’t think I’m infectious.
Although I don’t feel very well, I want to say that I am thankful for my health, and the health of my family. Yesterday, a patient of mine died on my shift. This was a man who we all knew very well around here, because he has been with us for a few months. He loved the University of Texas. Just a few weeks ago, he was depressed not because of his condition but because UT lost to Texas Tech. He had a very supportive wife and grown children about my age. When he was assigned to me yesterday, I was scared because I knew he didn’t have much longer. He was gasping for breath all day long. Right at the end of the shift, they told me they thought he was gone. I went into the room, and although I knew it was true, I felt for a pulse anyway. His wife was looking at me expectantly. I whispered to her, “I don’t feel anything,” and she just nodded and put her head down. His lips were white. His hands were cold. There was no more struggle in him.
As I watched their family console each other, how could my mind not jump to my own family? To my own new husband, who I love more than anything in the world? I immediately wrote him an email to tell him that I will love him forever, and the most important thing is that he always knows that. There is a friend of a friend whose blog I read who lost her husband in a boating accident two years ago tomorrow. Today, she reflects on their last moments together. It is a beautiful and sad story, and it makes me want to hold onto my husband forever, but mostly it fills me with love for him.
My job is a calling and a ministry, but sometimes it is a very very sad place to be. But I am grateful that every day it gives me perspective, and I pray that I will never forget this first death, and how my heart broke and I cried, and how tightly David held me when I got home.
1. My day in the ICU yesterday was kind of boring. Both of my patients had brain aneurysms. They were awake, alert, mobile, and for the most part independent. That means there wasn’t a whole lot for us to do for them.
2. One of the patients was a woman from Baton Rouge, a really sweet lady, and I loved her Cajun accent. She hugged me when I said goodbye to her.
3. The other was a nice man who would have talked to me all day long if I’d let him. Once he found out that I majored in Christian ministry for my first degree, he told me his whole life story. It was very interesting, but for the sake of time I will just say that he was the founder of this ministry.
4. There was a job fair at my school today, where I talked to four different hospitals. I was then inspired and went ahead and applied for the graduate nursing program at all four places. The application for the one I really want, though, is a little more extensive than the others and thus I am not finished with it.
5. Luckily I know a woman who worked at that hospital for most of her life who agreed to write me a letter of recommendation.
6. I have decided that I am mostly interested in working in the areas of critical care and oncology.
7. I am really proud of my indoor soccer team, because we had an awesome come-from-behind win tonight.
8. However, I do not appreciate the fact that there were no female subs, meaning I had to play the whole game, and thus I am utterly exhausted. (It is a coed team and three girls are required to play at all times - six players on the field total.)
9. Tomorrow I have a clinical for my community health class. I make home visits to senior citizens for the Meals on Wheels program. I don’t like it a whole lot, but it’s not too bad.
10. My birthday is next week. I will be 26 years old. The celebration begins this Saturday and ends a week later.
11. I am giving up sugar for Lent this year. Lent begins right in the middle of birthday week, so I am going to stuff myself with cookies, cake, ice cream, brownies, and every kind of chocolate I can get my hands on before then.
12. I need to shower in a bad way. Sometimes showering is such a chore, like when I’m tired and just want to go to sleep. When I was younger I used to skip it if I didn’t feel like it, even if I had played a soccer game that night. I guess sleep has always been my priority.
Hello friends. Funny thing. I just got back from vacation, and I wrote a whole post before I left, but then I forgot to publish it. Sorry about that. But before I get any farther:
Happy birthday David, my love, and I hope to spend many more with you.
Had to get that out of my system, but before I get too sappy, a brief rundown of my vacation. For the fourth year in a row I traveled with my good friend and former roommate Carmen and her sister Lauren to stay in a cabin in Angel Fire, New Mexico. We decided that three years of doing something makes a tradition, and so this has become one of ours. Highlights of the trip included skiing, snowmobiling, eating, holing up in the cabin and reading, watching movies, and playing games.
Now I am getting back into the swing of normal life. I was back at work today, and classes start Wednesday. Also on my priority list is running to get ready for that fast-approaching race I’ve entered and trying to pay off some of the credit card bill that I somehow amassed.
Oh, and happy new year! Last year, one of my resolutions was to floss my teeth every night, and that one actually stuck. For the record, this year I resolve to stop sending text messages while I drive, an action that, although it is something at which I excel, I recognize as a dangerous habit. I already broke it once because I forgot, but I’m trying really hard now.
First of all, a little taste of Christmas morning:
We all had a good round of Guitar Hero, even Mom and Dad. I am very proud of the fact that I have not once gotten booed off stage in this game.
Anyway, Christmas was great. The best. I loved it. And then, later in the evening, I got the blues. The post-Christmas blues. I just love it so much and I never want it to end, really. So when it did, I started stressing about applying for the nursing board exams and going back to school, and stupid finances. Also, I’ve totally relaxed over the holidays and haven’t been running much or really eating that great, and now I have to whip myself into shape in just two months for the big race. Argh. So I got depressed on Christmas night and the day after. Anybody else suffer from this affliction? Anyway, I think I’m over it. See?
Katy tagged me to complete this Christmas survey, and since I am full of holiday cheer, I would like to share it with you. Also, I tag Tabaitha, Megan/Peter, and Erica to complete it, if they so wish. Without further ado:
1. What kind of tree do you have?
We have about a 3-foot high artificial tree that we take very seriously. It is decorated with a theme of gold and cream colored ornaments, and it took us a good two hours to get it just right. Every time Cleo knocks an ornament off with her tail it is a crisis.
2. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
I think I have to say Home Alone. So hilarious, so classic. It totally reminds me of being a kid.
3. What is your favorite Christmas holiday food?
Fudge - HANDS DOWN.
4. Do you use wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper. Gift bags are no fun to open or to look at, and one of my favorite parts of Christmas is wrapping the gifts in pretty paper and seeing all the different shapes and sizes of packages under the tree.
5. Do you have a nativity scene in your house?
Not in our apartment, but my mom has enough at home to make up for that, although I don’t know if she’s actually put them out yet. She also collects nativity ornaments and has enough now to make our tree one giant nativity scene.
6. What is your favorite Christmas song?
“O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” and let me tell you why. Not only is it hauntingly beautiful, but the words really get to me:
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
Just as Israel was lost in exile and yearned for the Messiah, we are in exile here on Earth, longing for Him to come again to make things right. I love the hope that this song brings.
Also, no one can sing “O Holy Night” like Celine Dion. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, when she hits that note at the end, I am compelled to stop everything and experience it.
7. What is the most memorable gift you received as a child?
Probably my first bike. That one made me super happy. Also, my grandmother gave me Jane Austen’s complete novels and the Bronte sisters’ complete novels. I didn’t appreciate them at the time, but I am still reading out of them today.
8. What was the worst gift you ever received?
I love getting gifts and I’m usually happy with most things, but this year at our secret Santa at work I got a Texas Hold ‘Em travel game. First of all, I hate poker. Second of all, it’s not even a good gift for someone who likes it. How are you supposed to bluff against a computer?
9. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
I don’t get annoyed easily, but I will say traffic. I happen to work right next to the biggest mall in the area, which is great for lunch break shopping trips but not great for getting home in the afternoon. Also, there are certain songs that I would gladly never hear again in my life, but that seem to be very popular on the radio and pretty much everywhere I go.
10. Favorite thing about this time of year?
I can’t pick one thing. I love the time off from work or school, shopping, giving gifts, getting gifts, competing in the college bowl game pick ‘em with my family, spending time with them, decorating, the excuse to eat lots of chocolate, and the chance to reflect over the past year and to appreciate everything in my life. But especially remembering what I consider to be the greatest miracle - that a holy and awesome God became a human like me.
Around Christmas time I really get the urge to shop, which is normal, but it really stinks that I don’t have any money to speak of. So what I did instead was go “shopping” for things to put on my Christmas list. Everyone in our family is required to make a list and send it out, and I can’t imagine doing Christmas shopping without them. I make sure to make mine complete and send it out to everyone, not just my mom, well in advance every year.
In case you’re interested, or even if you’re not, these are some things that I came up with this year.
Of course, Gilmore Girls - seasons 4, 6, and 7. Also House season 3.
My roommates Amanda, Courtney, and I are hosting a game night at our apartment tonight, so we decided we wanted to decorate the place for Christmas first. We all love the holidays and are very excited about it. So this morning, before Courtney woke up, Amanda brought out her share of the decorations, which include these creations, which she hand-painted herself:
When Courtney woke up and emerged from her room, this was (more or less) the conversation that followed:
Courtney:(sarcastically) Ahh, the ceramics. I’ve missed them. Amanda: I just don’t see how you don’t think they’re cute! Courtney: Um, well, hmm… Amanda: I mean do you see how much work I put into this? Look at the bricks on the house, you don’t just paint that one color. And the wood, look at the texture! And this bow on top… Courtney: Yes, the BOW on top is lovely. Amanda: OK, it’s not like I would go out and buy something like this already painted! Courtney: Oh, well, that’s something, I mean, I AM glad to hear that. Because if it’s sentimental, if you painted it when you were a little kid– Amanda: When I was 17. Courtney: I’m gonna go with a little kid, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here.
In the end the snowman, the house, and the Santa’s Express train got to stay. All the rest either have to go into Amanda’s room or back into the box.
I like my roommates because they’re funny, and they indulge my need for symmetry when it comes to decorating, which is extremely important.
For Thanksgiving Boyfriend David and I spent a good part of the day over at my parents’ house with my family. I helped my mom cook while he hung out with the boys. Then we ate a yummy meal and were satisfied:
After dinner we went out to visit his family at his aunt and uncle’s house. They live in the country and had this giant hay bale turkey set up, so we had some fun with it! Here we are with David’s brother Chris, Chris’s girlfriend Kim, and his dog Sydney. Sydney jumped up there all by herself, by the way!
To see the rest of my Thanksgiving pictures, visit my Flickr account here.
