Kapachino

Purgatory

David: I’m going to go to purgatory.

Me: No you’re not!

David: Yes I am, and it’s going to one giant poker game. But really if you win the game you go to hell, and I’ll try really hard to win but then I won’t because I stink, and then I’ll go to heaven!

Me: …

David: What? You don’t believe me? Why not?

Me: Because the Bible doesn’t say anything about that.

David: It doesn’t say anything about purgatory being a giant poker game?

Me: No.

David: Huh. I think we just interpret it differently.

Driving

As I was driving home tonight, I remembered a conversation I had with my dad when I was learning to drive. I think it went something like this:

Me: So the right lane is for the people going below the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going at the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going above the speed limit?

Dad: pause...Yeah, that’s one way to look at it.

That was the way my structured, naive little brain worked. I never would have imagined that the right lane is for people going a little above the speed limit, the middle lane is for people going a little more over the speed limit, and the left lane is for people going a lot over the speed limit. With the occasional crazy slow driver thrown in there.

Speaking of driving, there are exactly two things that I remember specifically learning in driver’s ed. First, that when coming to a stop you should leave enough room in front of you so that you can see the rear wheels of the car in front of you or so that you can see the stop sign. I rarely do this. Second, that the distance at which you should put on your turn signal before turning is approximately equal to the length of two houses. I do this and think of it almost every single day.

There is only one thing that I remember learning in defensive driving, which is that it is considered littering even if you just toss an apple core or a banana peel out the window. But it’s bio-degradable, right? Doesn’t matter. Don’t mess with Texas!

IM

David and I are watching a video online together when I receive an instant message from a friend, which makes a noise.

David: What’s going on here?

Me: My friend Lauren just IMed me.

David (frowning): I don’t even know what that is.

Me: Instant message? You’ve never heard of it?

David: Oh. I have, I’ve just never seen it happen.

He’s only a few years older than I am, but he’s from a different generation…

Terminology

After a rousing discussion on Shaquille O’Neal’s monthly expenses:

Dad: I mean, how on earth does he spend $100,000 on vacations every month, when he’s on the road for half that time and the team pays all his bills?

Mom: Well he’s paying for all his cronies who follow him around.

Dad: No honey, it’s called a “posse.” Cronies are Italians. “Posse” is for the blacks.

Mom: But “posse” is for cowboys.

Dad: Not anymore.

Back To School Encounter

It was back to school today, my last first day of school. We had a really good lecture about cellular anoxia and hemodynamic monitoring, but I will spare you the details of that. Instead, let’s review the following conversation that I had with one of my classmates.

***

E: So did you get anything really great for Christmas, did you get engaged or anything?

Me: Not yet.

E: Sucks, doesn’t it? I was sooo disappointed.

Me: Oh, were you expecting it?

E: Yes, and he gave me a ring, too! In front of his whole family. I was so excited, all ready to say yes, and when I opened the box it was this ugly ring, and it was missing something called a diamond. I was so mad I wanted to cry. His family probably thought I was so rude. And then later I went into the other room and I did cry. I mean we’ve been together forever, and I don’t want to just keep dating and then have him dump me for some 20-year-old, because that’s what will happen!

Me: Wow, that’s not fun.

E: So I keep dropping all these hints. I found the exact ring that I want, and I keep leaving the catalogue lying around where he’ll see it, open to that page. The other day I asked him if he were to buy an engagement ring, which one would it be? When he showed me I told him it was the ugliest thing I had seen, and I would return it if he gave it to me.

***

And this was after she showed me all these pictures of her and him making out in front of the Mormon temple in Salt Lake City, where she says she wants to get married (even though she’s not a member of the church). My thoughts? I’m so glad Boyfriend David and I are on the same page with our desires and plans for our relationship.

Making The Grade (Or Not)

I took the final in my pediatric nursing class this morning. This is a class that I disliked the entire way through, and which had a reputation for being very difficult. I got a low B on the first test, freaked out, and then worked really hard the rest of the semester and pulled off low A’s on the next two tests and a perfect score on a group presentation. The way things stood, if I got a 91 on the final this morning, I would get an A in the class.

Well, the grades were just posted, and I got a 90.

Talk about frustrating to a perfectionist like me.

As soon as I found out my grade I went and vented to my roommate, Amanda. One of the things I said to her was, “I worked so hard in this class and made A’s on everything except the first test. But my classmate made C’s on most of her exams, got a B on the final, and ended up with a B in the class also. Our grades are the same. Why did I even try so hard?”

She responded, “But that’s not why you worked hard. You did it so you could learn, and look back and say that you did your best.”

Feeling dejected and guilty, I hung my head and said, “You’re right.”

After a moment’s pause she said, “But that’s not what you want to hear right now. So if you want, we can go toilet paper your professor’s house.”

That’s what friends are for.

Holiday Decorating

My roommates Amanda, Courtney, and I are hosting a game night at our apartment tonight, so we decided we wanted to decorate the place for Christmas first. We all love the holidays and are very excited about it. So this morning, before Courtney woke up, Amanda brought out her share of the decorations, which include these creations, which she hand-painted herself:

When Courtney woke up and emerged from her room, this was (more or less) the conversation that followed:

Courtney: (sarcastically) Ahh, the ceramics. I’ve missed them.
Amanda: I just don’t see how you don’t think they’re cute!
Courtney: Um, well, hmm…
Amanda: I mean do you see how much work I put into this? Look at the bricks on the house, you don’t just paint that one color. And the wood, look at the texture! And this bow on top…
Courtney: Yes, the BOW on top is lovely.
Amanda: OK, it’s not like I would go out and buy something like this already painted!
Courtney: Oh, well, that’s something, I mean, I AM glad to hear that. Because if it’s sentimental, if you painted it when you were a little kid–
Amanda: When I was 17.
Courtney: I’m gonna go with a little kid, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here.

In the end the snowman, the house, and the Santa’s Express train got to stay. All the rest either have to go into Amanda’s room or back into the box.

I like my roommates because they’re funny, and they indulge my need for symmetry when it comes to decorating, which is extremely important.

Weekend Update

I went to Kansas for my college’s homecoming this past weekend. For those of you who didn’t go to a small school, homecoming is more like a reunion than anything because I pretty much know everyone who comes. I still have 4-5 really good friends who live in Kansas, so I’ve made it a tradition to go to homecoming every year to see them.

I stayed with my best friend Becca and her husband Micah while I was there. I had signed up to run the homecoming 5K by myself, but when I was packing I couldn’t find my iPod. That was annoying because running by myself without music isn’t that great. So on Saturday morning I asked Becca, “You wouldn’t happen to have an iPod, would you?” Knowing Becca’s technology deficiency I figured there was no chance. But she said, “Yes! That is one thing we do have!”

Then Micah dug an iPod shuffle out of a box and handed it to me. He said, “I think there’s only one Josh Groban song on it, though, and maybe a sermon.” I figured it was better than nothing.

Becca asked him, “Did you win the iPod or something?”

“No, my parents gave it to me for Christmas.”

“Last Christmas?” I asked, not believing that he had it a whole year without putting songs on it.

“No, a few Christmases ago,” he replied. “There’s a reason Becca and I got married!”

***

Driving to Hillsboro from Wichita is a lot of highway with farmland surrounding it. I slept in the car, and woke up when Becca realized that we had missed our turn. So we turned around and as we were backtracking our friend Julie said, “I think the turn’s coming up, there’s a silo that looks familiar.” That’s a phrase I don’t hear in Houston!

The 5K went alright, except that there weren’t that many runners and the cross country team ran and left me in the dust. It was kind of embarrassing. I was probably one of the last ones to finish, and I still ran it in a faster-than-normal time for me. Afterwards I showered and we spent a lot of time wandering around campus. We ate lunch at the “young alumni tailgate party” and then drove to a neighboring town to visit our friend Erica who couldn’t make it to the festivities. All of us fell asleep while there. After a couple of hours we returned to Hillsboro, watched the second half of the football game (we lost), and then ate dinner at Pizza Hut. Hillsboro has exactly 5 places to eat: Pizza Hut, Subway, Sonic, Olde Towne Restaurant, and a new Mexican restaurant. The McDonald’s in town actually went out of business.

During the evening I hung out with one of my college roommates, her husband, and their new baby. We didn’t get back to Wichita until about midnight, and I was so exhausted. We went straight to bed, and then I woke up in the morning and flew home.

It was a quick trip, but definitely worth it. I find that every year I go, there are less people that I really care to see and spend time with. But the ones that I do want to see are very important to me, so the tradition will continue. I like taking little trips like this, but I love coming home. I’m very happy with my life here and the people in it. These are strong ties that I hope I don’t ever have to cut.

Overheard Waiting For The Bus

Guy #1: What time does this bus come?
Guy #2: A quarter till three, man.
Guy #1: Does that mean 25 minutes till three or fifteen?
Guy #2: Fifteen, dude.

A few moments later…

Guy #1: Do you think reading minds is wrong?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1: So you think it’s OK to read someone’s mind?
Guy #2: I don’t have a problem with that. But right now I’m just waiting for my bus, OK?

Guy #2 was pretty annoyed with Guy #1…I don’t blame him.

Jack and the Beanstalk

The other night I went with my boyfriend David to meet his best friend Barry and his wife Andrea. They have two children, a 5 year-old girl and a 1 1/2 year-old boy. The girl, Gwen, is a bundle of energy and gets so excited every time David comes over.

When it was time for Gwen to go to bed, she asked if David would tell her a bedtime story. She requested Jack and the Beanstalk. David whispered to me, “I don’t know if I remember that one, do you?”

“I think so,” I whispered back.

“You’d better make it silly!” Gwen warned.

I started speaking, hoping to inspire David into taking over the story, because his versions are always much more interesting. “Once upon a time,” I began, “There was a little boy named Jack who lived with his mother.”

“He lived with his mother because he never finished college,” David interrupted. “And one day he found some seeds in his garage, but he didn’t know what they were and he was afraid he might get arrested for them. So he buried them in the backyard, and then a giant beanstalk grew up above the clouds. Do you know what happens when you get above the clouds, Gwen? You’re in heaven. And that’s where Jack found a college degree.”

About this time Andrea walks in the room, and Gwen bounces up to her and says, “Mommy, mommy, Jack was going to arrest the seeds in his garage because he didn’t know what they were!”

And oh yes, all of this happened AFTER Gwen requested the re-telling of the story David had told me downstairs about a homeless Vietnam vet he had worked with who had done a lot of recon. Gwen was especially interested in the part where his leg turns black from gangrene.

I never expected bedtime stories to go quite like that, but I must say that it was entertaining.